Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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