About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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