Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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