erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
