Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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