i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
