haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
