Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
