This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
