When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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