This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
