I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
