This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
