I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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