So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
