she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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