omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
