dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
