So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
