No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
