you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
