I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
not ubering you a puppy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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