I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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