I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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