I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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