The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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