We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
