I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
