Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
