I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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