so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
