ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
