i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
