So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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