You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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