it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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