my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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