If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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