Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
