Im at strip club and am horny
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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