Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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