sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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