Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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