8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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