my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
