My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize