I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
