I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
