My brain says no but my pants say off.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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