Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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