he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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