shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
