My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
