I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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