Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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