HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
