heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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