it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
