either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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