When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
