he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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