i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
