I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
