the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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