Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
