peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize