saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
