Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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