im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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