man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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