Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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