I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
