grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
