Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
