on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
