there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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