Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
