THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
