i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
