I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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