My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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