It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
