I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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