Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
