Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize