Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
