You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
True college students do jello shots in the library
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
