dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
