So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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