I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize