don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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