I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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