What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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