i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
