i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
