there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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